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And the withholding and passive-aggressiveness and game-playing that results from not just being ourselves is epidemic. A good friend of mine ascribes quite seriously to the notion that as a girl, she should never initiate a text message. "Guys are the pursuers," she explains, a fact that I concede to be true for masculine-energy men, "so they come to you. "Well, I guess that's an awesome way to manipulate someone," he replied.

"I can imagine it'd create this constant fear and wondering and wanting more.

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I've been thinking a lot lately about the way we communicate, particularly as it pertains to dating -- a relatively new world for me after a decade of serial monogamy, including a marriage.

I've been mired in conversation with friends about the texts and dating app messages and phone calls that get exchanged during this seemingly oh-so-delicate dance we call dating.

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That if we show our true colors, we won't be liked. I think it's the easiest way for her to hide out and avoid any vulnerability. Never, ever reach out," she tells me -- advice that feels more like an ominous command than a loving tip. Her policy continues: "Once a text thread is initiated, the girl should only mirror the guy's behavior." For example, a girl must keep within the subject raised by the guy, and "ask him only the same questions he's asked you." Over drinks last weekend, I shared this (asinine) policy with a guy friend.

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But," he continued, "if your friend ever wants to have a real deep connection with someone, that's certainly not the way to do it." Another guy friend concurred."When a girl doesn't text me," he said, "her silence tells me something.

It's tells me: ." So, it seems, in his case, the girl is sitting there wondering why the guy isn't texting, and the guy is sitting there wondering why the girl isn't texting.

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