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But generally, the forward-facing reaction since I came out has been wholly positive.
But it’s that feeling of what people don’t say that niggles me. Having been single for nearly two years now, I’m a member of Match, Ok Cupid and Gaydar. But out of these platforms, only Ok Cupid is actually of any use to people who don’t define themselves as gay or straight.
If your identity is intrinsically tied to these, you’re at the mercy of external factors beyond your control.
This is why after a breakup, it’s the relationship that should be broken, not you.
So, it comes down to the dilemma of whether you write it in your bio or not.That is, women may think I’m just hitting them up for some kind of Sean Cody-esque gangbang. Not that it really matters, anyway, as the number of online conversations I’ve had in six months has rocketed to the dizzy heights of two. The other bisexual men (in my experience) tend to all be anonymous and only there so they can chat to you about what you’d do to their wives as they were doing something to you, while concurrently they have a Barclays at the other end. There’s also probably the whole ‘Bi Now, Gay Later’ thing going on – if you need that translating, it means many gay and lesbian people think us bis are merely on a ‘journey’ towards all-out ‘gayness’, like some desperate contestant who really can’t sing but has been put through to Judges’ Houses for the humiliation-led humour of it all. THEN, there’s the even more terrifying platform of social media.Most probably with their wives asleep next to them. No-one ever seems to approach you for a genuine ‘date’; although I don’t think putting “You probably won’t like me” as my header helps. Few gay men in my age bracket approach me, which that head of mine (again) tells me is because I’m bisexual. For example: I’ve got back in touch with someone I was good friends with during my teenage years.She’s fairly recently become single (like me), we shared many of the same interests when we were younger and appear to still do, have been briefly chatting quite amicably and live locally to each other. Now, it’s not entirely the bisexuality bit that’s the issue here. Or something (throw in the bit about me being an alcoholic and she’ll probably block me virtually and ‘ITRW’). Being bisexual in a world dominated by the poles of ‘Straight’ and ‘Gay’ is a nightmare.Oh, and she’s beautiful, funny, intelligent and talented. It’s the fact that the last she knew of me, I was gay and engaged to another man. My ‘coming out’ as bisexual was from the position of being ‘homosexual’ for 14 years, and many people whom I knew years ago still don’t realise who I really am and think I’m gay. However much society claims to be tolerant and inclusive, trying to date as someone whose sexuality is not black or white is fraught with complications. We’re just human and would quite like a relationship, please! Do correct me if I’m wrong – but I don’t think I am.