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If there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that in a few months, you'll be overwhelmed by news stories with headlines like these: She's a liberal Democrat — maybe a commie! How can we live without advice columns calming the turgid panic surrounding the American political mating rituals? They're all about hand-wringing over dangerous liaisons between men and women who find themselves ideologically opposed. Soon we'll understand that our species is not long for this earth. And letting politics divert you from staring into her eyes and holding her hand is unnatural.

Whatever would we do without those stories on political biology in Sunday lifestyle sections?

America just elected a bigoted, corrupt sexual predator to the White House!

The country is moving closer towards fascism every day.

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If these surveys are in fact true — and right now I don't care if they are — anyone who lets politics interfere with romance is probably too idiotic to raise children and should probably be chemically altered for the greater good. Right now I bet there's some generic young Republican college student reading The Nation, just so he gets the buzzwords right so he might date that girl in Madison with the big brown eyes. Listen to a new episode of "The Chicago Way" podcast with John Kass and Jeff Carlin — with guest Kristen Mc Queary of the Tribune Editorial Board — at Some of the more ridiculous dating advice I've seen includes talking about your politics on your second or third date, "to get it out of the way."You're going to talk tax policy on a date? And there must be a liberal young woman going back to school in Yellow Springs, Ohio, in the fall, thinking about gender studies, yes, but also about that boy who shocked her with his National Review. Politics is so small compared to love, but you wouldn't know it sometimes with all the stridency aimed at guilting people apart. And because the media leans left — don't even try to argue otherwise, that's like being a wild-eyed science denier — most political mating stories will reflect a certain antipathy toward "those people," meaning Republicans.So gather around, let me put on my favorite cardigan, fill my pipe and pour myself a mug of mulled wine, and I'll tell you of ye olden days. Each sect or denomination has its own particular catechism, dogma, priests (politicians) and stern bishops (pundits) who shepherd the faithful away from the temptations of those odd libertarians.

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