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You don’t see the person as a whole…you see the perfect wedding night/pure marriage you’ll never be able to have if you stay with them. How they treat you, who they are, and how much you enjoy them should be hugely important factors. Some of those other qualities can be even more rare than virginity. But given that the rest of the world is full of one night stands, casual sex, and “hook up culture”, maybe the fact that your girlfriend/boyfriend has only had sex with one other person in the context of a long term relationship (or whatever) isn’t so bad.. Appreciate that in the grand scheme of things, your girlfriend/boyfriend may be much closer to your sincere, genuine idea of sexuality than he/she is to those “other” people’s warped and soulless view of sex.
Maybe they had sex before with one person but only a couple of times.
Secretly, your anger won’t be satisfied until you’ve brought them around to your way of thinking and shamed them for the times they stepped away from it. In fact, they their past, or your plan will work and they will feel really horrible about it. If they start defending their past, it’s going to push the two of you farther apart.
Unfortunately for them, they didn’t cheat on you, but they get treated as if they did.
I’m sorry for being so snippy.” Approach the discussion as if this was completely your problem, not theirs…. And now you’ve got only a faceless sea of everyone else to potentially date.
It’s something that you’re dealing with that is really no fault of their own. Afterall, they were probably expecting to have this conversation with you at some point. It’s like a million, torturous images keep flashing through your head, and your own imagination keeps inventing all new horrors for you. Now, compared to the sexual history of , maybe theirs wasn’t so bad at all. Next to them being gone from your life entirely, this stuff about their past isn’t really a big deal. Note that this point will become instantly and painfully clear when/if you actually do break up.
If you keep your head cool and look at this relationship calmly and rationally, you will see that it may not last forever, even though you may want it to. And then all of this stuff about sexual histories will seem kind of silly in retrospect.
Or, on the other hand, you may see that this relationship going to last (in all likelihood), in which case it becomes important for you to work through your concerns with your partner.