Saved sex chat

Please just be honest with me when you don’t want to do something, okay? But I’m trying, here, and this is tough for me, too. And I just feel like a loser for thinking things were so good for you when they weren’t, and because what does it say about me if I can’t make you come?

You: Well, unless I told you they weren’t, you couldn’t have known.

I also want to be sure that we’re on the same page when it comes to stuff like birth control and safer sex before we actually need any of that stuff.

Them: That’d be great…but do we have to talk about all of that today?

Them: Well, I embarrass myself in front of you almost every day and you still like me.

And my feelings shouldn’t be hurt about what you like and you don’t: if they are, that’s my thing to deal with, not yours.

And I’d never ditch you because you don’t want to do that: I care about you for way more reasons than this. Who knows, I might feel different later on, and if I do, I’ll let you know, okay? By the way, I’ve been meaning to tell you something, too. Them: This is hard for me, but…oh god, I just don’t know how to say this. Them: I’m not going to lie and say I don’t miss sex with you, I do, but I’m happy to do any or all of those things. I’m not going anywhere, after all, and I know you’d be understanding with me if I was in the same spot. You: It seriously is, but you know, I’m feeling a little better about it already, just because you’re being so great about this. The world isn’t ending, but it’s a pretty big deal. I know we haven’t really talked about what those things are before, so some of that is my fault, but I want to talk about them now. You: You’re really quiet, and I know that’s probably because your feelings are hurt: I never wanted to hurt your feelings, and I’ll understand if you’re upset for a while or I need to earn some trust back.

We can stop and start talking about it now if you want – so long as you understand I’m still not going to do it tonight – or we can keep doing what we were doing, or even just call it a night, but that’s it. I think it’s time to take things to the next level. You want to keep doing what we are, then, or want to just chill out? You: You know, I liked what we were doing, so if you’re cool, and we can keep it at that level, I’d like to keep doing that. I just want to let you know how I’m feeling, see how you’re feeling, and talk it over. Sorry to be so flustered, you just caught me off-guard. I do want to do that, too, I just didn’t know how to bring it up without making you feel uncomfortable. You: That’s okay: it feels a little uncomfortable for me to talk about it, too – I practiced saying this like eight times before you came over -- but I figure if I can’t be okay talking about it, I probably shouldn’t be doing it.

You: I’m cool going to the bedroom if you want to, but I don’t feel like it’s time for me to step things up yet. There’s also some things we should just sort out in advance, like, we’ve never talked about our sexual histories, or where we both see this relationship going these days.

I think you do, but you’re too upset to have this talk now. Them: I can understand that, even though I wish you felt better. You: Maybe we could spend the time we have together for a while either just snuggling, or doing some different things together? I feel like you get really frustrated with me when I don’t come, and like a lot of the time, it’s seemed easier to just pretend. I feel like such an asshole: I must be awful in bed! Do you want me to keep talking, or do you need a minute? When you get so frustrated, it’s pretty hard for me to stay excited.

So, I’m going to go home for now, but I’ll call you in a little bit and we can talk more if you want, or you can call me when you’ve cooled off. I know you like it, so I’ve tried it, but I’m just not into it and it doesn’t make me feel good. You: I was still making up my mind, but I was also worried because it seems like everybody does it and likes it, so I felt like a jerk or a prude and was also really worried you’d just want to find somebody else who would do it. Them: Well, you like and I don’t, and while I wish I did, because it’d make you happy, I know that you wouldn’t want me to do anything I didn’t like, and that sex where we both aren’t into something just isn’t any good. I know you love Chocolate ice cream, but – and this isn’t easy for me to say – I’ve got to be honest, I’m a Mint Chocolate Chip guy. And maybe we could also talk some more about that fight we had last week? Too, I think it’d help if we did more things with sex, or spent more time with those things, that were more likely to get me there.

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