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I also found every uneven floorboard in the place while conveniently tripping into my lover's strong arms. CS: I feel like Megan Trainor would really appreciate this game (see Dear Future Husband) but Taylor Swift might not be as cool with it.

*romantic sigh* But isn’t it targeted towards Americans (or made by Americans)? Although maybe she would since she only cares about “white feminism.” MA: Milly Weeaboo’s name isn’t “no,” her sign isn’t “no,” and her number isn’t “no.” Instead, her name is “you fool,” her sign is “sorry, Natsume,” her number is “please forgive me, Natsume.” CS: Rin Weeaboo’s name is whatever Kin’s ex’s name is, or “sister.” In the end, I’d give this a 3 out of ten submissive housewives.

In all of those, you are rated as uncool, fine, stylish, and super stylish; play a dice slot; and yadda yadda. Without the truncheon, your chances of winning are 11% or 33%. and though I’m sad and lonely, I’d rather drop money on ice cream than a fake ninja boyfriend.

How did you guys feel about your abacus/math skills being rated as “stylish”? CS: I mean, at least they sort of recognized that we might have intellect; they just rated it with beauty terms...that’s a small step for womankind. You have to pass “Stylish Level Checkpoints,” with Aoi -- the blue-haired ninja, who is a hairstylist -- appropriately judging your style level. CS: Nope, in fact, I think the game should pay for playing it.

The only way to get the best (read: to be the one she saw commit a murder earlier.

You can train for Night Watch, Abacus, and Hair Styling. So the non-style level checkpoints are awful, and designed to force you to funnel money into the game; you have to buy purses for the purse checkpoint with Kinshiro, or a truncheon for a “catch the robber” game checkpoint with Ichika. It’s absolutely not worth it, though this game is obviously designed as a money-maker; it wants to force you to purchase power (which you need to read the story), love arrows (to get the best ending), truncheons (to make it past the checkpoint)...

In the end, Soji saved my helpless ass several times and then I was content to stay at home and be a cooking, cleaning baby maker. MA: Brianna, didn’t he straight-up tell you that he wanted you to stay at home? However, it was also my childhood dream to grow up and be a stay at home wife while he went out and did all the fun stuff. MA: I never left the bookstore that Natsume ran independently, unless it was to get groceries. CS: Definitely Jacob, and he probably doesn’t even play it ironically.

We could have been rated on breast size, outfits, and makeup (just like high school). You can up your style level by wearing clothes you win as prizes in the dice/Koban slot, or for completing missions (make X friends, complete X chapters). It definitely does a good job of making you want to play more by leaving you hanging in the story, but paying money to keep reading? If I want to get my romance fix for the night, I’ll go read something else (.

BK: It might have made me feel good if I were Barbie. So this is why all of us had an avatar wearing her underwear and a red knit beanie cap at one point. Besides, a girl needs a break from all the misogyny. BK: I could see how some people might want to, but nothing seemed worth it to me. I couldn’t make it past the truncheon checkpoint, so I watched a walk-through video instead of finishing the game. Like she would do something so dumb I would feel bad in real life.

You can wait for pretty much everything, it just takes way longer to progress. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have made it through the game in time for this article. BK: Unlike these 2 slackers, I finished the game, passing all checkpoints without investing anything more than precious, wasted time. She had some shining moments of power and independence, but not enough to counteract her role as a blushing object. CS: I felt like she was better represented than I thought she would be.

I can’t justify spending every time I want to keep playing or move past a checkpoint, that adds up to be a lot of money I could be spending on wine instead. CS: I’ll confess too, I made it past the first truncheon checkpoint, but not the second one. I’m glad I looked it up, I feel like finishing the story would have been such a waste of my time. I even started a second story, but the game requires many more micro-transactionable resources the second time around and I ran out of patience. Yeah, she tripped a lot, but she had a lot of spunk!

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